If I can be so bold as to say that there some part of you doesnt love yourself as much as you should, and/or you have boundary issues. I forget everything. Sally, if he is truly a Narcissist, then this is indeed a hoovering attempt. You both deserve better. Thats exactly how my knowing of his NPD surfaced. and they just couldnt care less, they couldnt even care less what its doing to you the one they say they Love. I made the mistake of answering that first call two months ago, I wont make it again. Yes, not all of them are equally sadistic, but only garden Narc is a neurotic type (neurotic means people, who can empathise). But nothing ever came of it because she would then feel better after a few days. Narcissists dont engage the final discard. Then he texted me that he hoped for me to Find finally the love of my life because he has found that one. Clears up a lot for many of us who still question how the hell we got into this situation for so long. I thought the same about my ex. I see signs that I never would have recognized before my own experience. Still hasn't happened. But I recovered it. sent me a love song via email. Anyone have the feeling after all is said and done withthe narcissist that your love life is a joke. Meanwhile, they tell everyone around them that youre the one who wont leave them alonethey want nothing to do with you. I feel like I hate her and love her at the same time. Perhaps we had to cut off all communication without any conversation at all. Im sorry for what you went through. 1. U expressed the thought the man I met is not the one I left. One such neurotransmitter is dopamine, a chemical responsible for making us feel pleasurable sensations throughout our bodies. I have mine blocked but when I get the urge I switch to my Bible app and read James But yes, I agree that both men and women with narcissistic disorders cause massive amounts of damage to the ones that cared for them. 3. He would either claim I was being over-sensitive, change the subject or end up insulting me. You suffer from PTSD/C-PTSD, Trauma Bonding, Stockholm syndrome, crippling self-esteem, and depression. I am so happy to find this site. This enraged the narcissists because narcissists dont get dumped. How he was the one. Thanks Kim for this wonderful blog. He lost. Whether they believe the narcissist or not is irrelevant, theyve sown a seed of doubt so that when you do tell your side of the story, theyre skeptical. I cant thank God enough for helping me find the way out of the darkness. It was sad but in a different way. 3. By the way, NC is the same as rehabseriously. The narcissist has no interest whatsoever in changing. Breaking free from her was a relief and the day she died, I felt nothing at all I wasnt relieved, I wasnt sad. He cant put up with that. I got the silent treatment for a week.. Then he texted wanting to know if I still loved him because he was lost and scared and alone and didnt have his guiding light anymore. Some cannot be treated. Never happy, always thinking of nobody else but themselves. I never did nothing but fallin love with a man who lied to me . He had so much hate towards me that I couldnt even fathom what I did that was so wrong. When I say Im in love with you, I mean I love the story I can tell to my next lover, about my ex-lover, about how beautiful things were, how intense, how storybook, what a couple we were, and how you gradually, inexplicably, painfully, bit by bit, disappeared. She looks beautiful and I lost that or I dont even know if he really *saw* me, as in the way I looked, like maybe he noticed those passion marks and now he know Im no longer sitting around crying like he *thought* I might be, still brokenhearted. I had been convinced that so many things I saw, felt, or perceived were in my head, or, [me] digging for answers instead of leaving things alone. Odd, isnt it? Thanks for sharing your story and helping spread awareness. He looked hurt but Im glad I was able to say that to him because it provided closure for me. You can find street hookers with better hearts than your most recent ex. Be genuinely loving. It is terrible to read these things. Cara- it sounds like you may be codependent like I am. But since you used no contact, your ex is not annoyed by you. Do you wanna know what it is? last time i posted here i said i was pretty sure the narc ex would leave me alone because he embarrassed himself pretty badly and now realized what i think of him. It allows me to have the power to NOT RESPOND to my ex after more then a year who has been texting and calling for the past few weeks. After that, in a typical narcissistic style, the conversation will switch to youll never find anyone to love you as much as they did because youre too flawed. I also think it is very important to focus on the reasons why you fell into a relationship like that. I would appreciate if someone could make this last part clear to mewhat disappeared..? Started sending me love songs. Whatever you decide to do, I hope you find peace and the strength to forgive yourself for the things you have done and to move forward with this new insight into yourself so that you begin to recognize that its never too late to strive to be your best self. It seems like the moment you start realizing he is not the person you thought he was, they notice and begin to pull back, resent you, and switch the blame on you. Im just wondering how to handle a narcissistic man who has to be in my life due to my child. After months of drama and him being distant (but at the same time saying he loved me and that he wanted to grow old with me), I broke up with him. I dont know enough about borderlines but they do say narcissists usually have something else with their disorder ie sociopath narcissist, sex addict narcissist..maybe he is a borderline narcissist. If some of my friends and colleagues were in the mental health profession, then why was my disorder not detected? Then came the crack. They never accept blame , they control your world ( or try), projection . My ex husband and I had been together for 14 years, we married on our 7 year anniversary. To all the women and men who have been victimized by any of the cluster B personality disordered types, my heart truly goes out to you. I was devastated But, funny enough guess where he moved too? Even though its recently ended, he has tried to regain contact, to which I originally thought he must want control over me again. I really dont want to.. Its like tempation. If he can still affect you, if he knows you are monitoring his actions, feeling bad or upset that he has not contacted you, he will use this period to manipulate you. Thanks Kim, could it be because he is about to lose the family home and go bankrupt. I just started reading an article one day about Narcissism and felt like I was reading my life. There is so much more I could share but I know this has already gone on. Lilli, I am just now able to read your comment. Before you know it, you have forgiven their faults, had babies by them and years have gon by and now you wish you would have left sooner. My heart is holding on for dear life, even tho I dont want to! On the anniversary of his mothers death he sent a text to remind me. We can work it out. I just filed for divorce after 22 months of no contact because though He discarded me, he will NEVER file. He started so many arguments before bed and then would just roll over and sleep while I lay there in complete anxiety. I read your story. But the real challenge is when he contacts me. Theyre looking to see how easy it is to reach out, how likely it is that person would respond if they did reach out, and the quality of narcissistic supply they would get based on the level of effort theyd have to put in. So my thinking on how I might respond can be listed as: 4) tell him to write 300 words describing his impressions of what happened, no direction, free to say whatever he will but not to send it to me rather to post it on the forum from which I have been ostracized as a public statement to the group then wait 2 years the length of time this had been present in my life after which if he has been a positive presence in my life stayed out my way and kept his mouth shut then ok a fresh start might be possible. I was devastated because Id never tell him Id want to kill him EVER!!! He is constantly pointing a finger at me that Im having sex with all these people, if I dont respond to a text he instantly jumps to i have to be with a guy or having sex. He wouldnt say it, I would just read that because that is what hes saying. To hear my ex so perfectly described by other people shocks me. FAST and PRAY That gets Gods eyes on you. My ex narc, after returning from a wonderful weekend away with me, promised to take me away on a surprise trip the following week. In DSM more traditional view they both go to Cluster B, alongside with few others. This is not to advocate this approach as the only valuable one. Something I catch myself thinking, Maybe he isnt a narcissist? but then I remember his verbal abuse. I just wish it was easier for me to understand her intentions. Next timeI wont allow myself to be around to hear or read the pleas. Their messages or words will sound very convincing, so be careful. When meeting a new prospect, Id suggest the three strikes rule. I asked him why he was searching for me online because I found it strange and inappropriate. If you wish you can go to Dr. Simon Manipulative people , at least to BPD. I also have a lot of rage and I am so cynical and pessimistic of everything .I think I have ptsd. I truly believe some like this drama so much and i think u nailed it when you said how the degree of difficulty was something youd never quite experienced prior to this relationship and while it takes two to tango, i am certain and am convinced that some just like it hot and bothered ! Apparently not going to each other houses, she lives with some guy. I would still like to offer friendship (as I tried for one month), but know thats a one-sided street and really not fair to people I date. He left me once for a week about year and some ago and came back. Unbelievalble. In short, they never really let their exes go. He initially said he wanted a divorce, I said fine but your gonna pay (married 20 years yeah I know pretty stupid) and so we never split up. I nicely let him know what his sister told me about him: she said he was narcissistic, emotionaly abusive and manipuative. I just wanted to add when I say what about you attracted her, I didnt mean anything negative in you. So, as far as theyre concerned, the more supply they get, the better the relationship. So I fled to clear my head, get all the support legal and otherwise, and am now returning to finslise this. Funny that, had no problems for 20 years until i called him out on his bullshit. throwing his best friend up in my face how she was loyal to him . But this is one of the narcissists weapons of mass destruction. He thought he was doing it to me but after talking to her, he knew that if she could call me, then I must be ignoring him. I researched NPD and sure enough- totally described my husband. Omg the i cant believe i put up with my ex narc for a year and a half..he was a classic..he was insane to believe i didnt see his games but in my boredom..low self esteem and yes my own insanity i stayed..but in a weird way im happy i went through it because i know what one is and it will never happen again..and i learned alot about myself in the process..he will be turning 59 this year..its going to suck dying alone . You dont want to touch that and those diseases. But be aware of the specially predatory religious narcissist. In stark contrast to what Ive written above, unlike what I have read about other narcissists, he never discarded me (he would get angry and yell its over during an argument, but would always call to reconcile within minutes). You dont want to attract another narc!!! perfect boyfriend behavior). We are still in silent treatment as a punishment. The narcissist has no real identity, only an illusion of themselves built on their ability to control other people. It makes me question what is real and what isnt. I should have recognized it. Samantha, one reason is that they cant show their true colors to the new supply. Yeah, just going to reiterate the splendid answers your received, and add my own flavour: I was involved as a lover and friend of a BPD for 8 years. I would be willing to bet anything that that girl hes talking to, will soon be me. Stay strong. Her mom and I have let her know she is not alone and this is HIS problem. It has actually helped me to come to understand the behaviours of my most recent ex-boyfriend. I even went to jail, took 21 meds for my recovery with mehe cleaned out my housethe police let him. Would I love to say that Im staying in my marriage because together we are working to improve things because he is not disordered, yes I would love to tell you that. By Jodie Milton. You're still waiting on him! Ive been reading about this all morning. A couple of minutes later, he got in his truck and leftno goodbye, see ya or anything not that I expected it. Havent heard a peep, which suits me fine. Then she blocks me, so I cant say anything. For example, he could be a Narcissist and Borderline, too (or vice versa). Two types of BPD: 1. genuinely dont mean it, but cannot stop. Dont know, if I should/can say youve been lucky. She started all this (I obeyed her all the time), but looking back, she was like this my whole life. which of course now everything makes sense to me. He actually told me, She is the total opposite of youshe is sooo nice, laid back, and she adores and worships me! Now, this is from a man who always made fun of me for being TOO nice and TOO laid back! She blocks me, so be careful two months ago, I would appreciate if someone make!, had no problems for 20 years until I called him out on his bullshit hearts than most... Think I have ptsd I just wanted to add when I say what about you attracted her, I just... 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